I started my tennis lessons again this year, after 6-month pause since the bad coach last time. The lessons started at Wimbledon season, the same time last year, and it is like starting all over again. Part of me was rolling my eyes since the money I wasted the last 6 month. Part of me thought thank god I could still start over. Every once in a while, I am put in situations where I have another chance to do differently, to see things in different perspective, to play the opposite roles and some how, like reading the same book multiple time, or watching Friends again and again, I tend to see little thing I miss in the previous times.
Growing up in a family where my parents had to hustle to make a living for three siblings, my mindset was about winning the first time, since that might be the only chance I had. I moved through my early years smoothly then, at the age of 25, I got stuck at running a business that is not going anywhere, for almost 8 years. I struggled to make it, I struggled to move on, and I struggled to accept.
Life has taught me two lessons: getting it right is important, and not being afraid of getting it wrong is even more important. I realize how my upbringing left a long lasting impact on my subconscious, and it becomes much louder when I get older, especially with the thing I haven’t resolved. The dissonance, the conflict happen between important values within us is always a sign that we are getting somewhere, and somewhere meaningful.
A year in, i knew that I enjoy tennis more and more, wanted to play tennis long term and actually wanted to play it good. But so many things can happen between me and this genuine intention. Not just a bad coach, not just the rain season of Saigon, or a partner to play with. It is the seriousness I have for most of the things in my life. The fact that I have very little room for leisure, joy, wandering, getting lost and making mistakes.
Looking back at my journey building a business in creative industry, I think I could have more fun. And a lot of the time, fun brought me further than I thought I could. The most recent, I worked on a commercial video project where I did the editing, something I rarely did before. I normally only play the role of the ideas and art direction, storytelling, more of a director, but never actually do the edit, do the labor work to tell the story itself the way I want it. I did it this time. The outcome was satisfying, yet still needed a lot of improvement. Importantly, the process was a lot of fun, most of it was the learning curve and the way I went out of this knowing how much I enjoyed telling the story myself, how much I enjoyed creating something good.
My new tennis coach told me, “you could have more fun playing tennis". There is a playfulness, joyfulness, getting lost in the process “ness” of playing. Occasionally during the coaching session, he stops to remind me to drop that stressful face. I was so serious all along. And that prevents me from getting the most of this moment, even when I was right here, right now doing the things that I enjoy doing.
It is actually true, if I don’t enjoy this process, but only discipline, It still can get me to wake up at 5 to prepare for the training, but, if I could enjoy it, having more fun with it, laugh more, actually play, that could be a much better position.
Training could be tough, but we can also train with a lot of fun. Either way, our choice.
